Tuesday, 4 December 2012

Update - Still Very Poorly.

This is mainly an update taken from facebook on Sunday, but it has a few adaptations:

Hello all. Wish I had something good to say but it seems I've taken steps backwards. I thought there was a tiny glimmer of hope I was improving, but then when I woke the following day and I was extremely unwell yet again and my body just wanted to give up that day, so I decided to sort of let it and I slept and slept most of the day (and night.) 

I'm feeling very poorly a bit blurry eyed from all my meds and general grogginess so this may or may not make sense. I think I may be feeling slightly worse than I did before. Its hard to describe, I'm so exhausted and weak, like I don't have the ability to hold myself up and regarding my chest, I feel like I'm 'drowning on the inside by my phlegm' it's horrible and hard to comprehend, basically it's just there clogging me up and blocking my airways making the ability to breathe so limited. Add to that all the chest pains I'm having along with my cracked rib makes my breathing just so restricted. 
I'm so weak and exhausted. Josh is having to pick me up and carry me everywhere at the moment, like to the toilet, upstairs to bed because I'm just too weak to walk at the moment, although when I can walk or move on my own, I do because it's important to keep strength and as much body muscle as possible for transplant recovery.
But currently it feels like my body doesn't have the energy to carry it's weight, if only I hadn't gained the 3 stone lol... At least I can still laugh through this, if I don't laugh and I don't smile, what can I do? Cry? well yes I've done a bit of that too, a lot but I'm still smiling :) dwelling on negativity will only bring me further down, in mind as well as body so that's not what I want to do but it's getting ever harder to keep telling everyone I'm fine and I'm going to get through this, when in all honesty, now I'm not even 100% sure I can do it, but as long as I'm on the transplant list, as long as there is 1% in my lungs, a beat in my heart and a sparkle behind my eyes - I will fight, with every. single. part. of. my. body. 

I don't really know what to say other than I'm sorry I can't bring yo
u better news, I have my appointment at Harefield for my 6 month check up on Wednesday, hoping they will see the massive, rapid decline I've been on since my last appointment. It sounds morbid, but Josh and I are having a 'Christmas month' where we give each other our presents throughout the month just in case I don't get to Xmas, or if I get my transplant and spend Christmas in hospital, but if and I'm positive I will still be here, I have gifts from the rest of my family and friends to open on the day :)

Thank you so much for those who are keeping me in their thoughts, praying for me and wishing I pull through this, I appreciate every single message/comment, all the love is phenomenal and brings me to tears, of joy obviously! Trying so hard to keep my spirits up and stay positive, I'm realistic too though so that's why we have Xmas month, hehe. This is how we stick our two fingers up at CF, stupid flu and even more stupid pneumonia - you can throw obstacle after obstacle at me, I will just alter my life and *sticks tongue out* say nerrr.

Love, love, love ♥
Thank you all, I love you all and I promise I will get through this and do you all proud.

It's now Monday night and I'm sad to say today once again wasn't great, but I'm still here :) and I will continue to be here for a very, very long time.

Before I go - I would just like to say a big Hello and a massive Thank You to Steven Scaffardi, he is the author of 'The Drought' which is a book I'm currently reading, it's hilarious! He sent me a signed copy which is awesome :D and inside it said for me to keep smiling and keep laughing, well the book is certainly keeping me laughing and those who know me, know I always try to keep the smile on my face :) so it was a perfect little message.
He's also now following my blog!! All I can say is - get the book. Nice and easy way for you to buy it - If you click the picture under my 'What I'm reading' tab, at the top of my blog, it will take you to the amazon page where you can get your copy and you must get it!

My Signed Copy :) :)

Thanks for reading.
Merry Christmas Month :)


Anonymous said...

Thank you for the update and its extras, Kerry.
Christmas every day. I think you should have "Christmas every day in December" every year from now. Because you deserve it.

Anonymous said...

Keep goin Kerry ur such a fighter im praying for your new lungs to come. Xxx

Anonymous said...

Thank you Kerry for your update.
Stay strong, l'm always thinking of you, hope you get the best present of all (the call) Merry Christmas to you. Hope your present isn't to far away, l'm praying hard for it to arrive soon. Lots of Love Sue xxxx

Little Harriet said...

Am thinking of you and sending lots of positive vibes your way.

Steven Scaffardi said...

Keep strong Kerry! You are a massive inspiration and I'm sending all my Christmas wishes your way this year x

jane regan said...

What an amazing woman you are so inspirational my thoughts and prayers are with you xxx:-)

PSCgirl said...

You are amazing for being so strong and being strong for everyone around you, and for being so positive! I will be thinking of you and hoping you get your transplant so soon. Merry Christmas Month!