My 'Celeb Gossip Style' Article

Kerry was quick to dispell rumours today that she is falling off the wagon. Last night Kerry was spotted drinking shots and triple spirits, before being snapped by the paparazzi, laying 'gracefully' on the floor of her home. Kerry, 20, who has recently come into the public eye, said - "If I do only have under a year left to live, I want to enjoy it. I'd rather be out partying and enjoying myself than sitting in everyday moaning and feeling sorry for myself!"
Kerry, was also reported to have had a similar experience last weekend after another night of heavy drinking, our sources tell us she tripped over a dustbin in her home twice, then proceded to speak to the bin, telling it she would stay there until the bin moved.
Kerry, who suffers from end-stage Cystic Fibrosis said - "I feel a bit more comfortable wearing my oxygen out in public now, which enables me to still have a little dance when out, rather than sitting there bored. I've always enjoyed a party and would hate my condition to stop me enjoying myself and doing what I love!"

Kerry after last nights antics.

When asked about the photo, Kerry said - "It's madness you can't have any privacy nowadays, not at the party, or in my own home! In regards to that photo, I'd just walked from the car, in my stupidly high heels and I was absolutely exhausted! A bed of nails would have probably seemed comfortable."
It is unknown yet as to whether Kerry has gone off the rails and become another victim of the young celebrity lifestyle, or if she really is just 'living her life.'
One thing is for sure, she knows how to party.


Hahaaa. I hope you have enjoyed my little pretend 'celeb gossip' type article ;) Clearly I was very bored! Here are a few photos from the ball last night, which raised £440 for CF!

The wonderful Jo and I

Lol

Me, Mum, Matt and a CF balloon

Us 3 again

Josh and I :)

Nanny, Grandad and I

CF balloon and my oxygen, lol

Breatheee...

Hayley with the oxygen

Grandad with oxygen

Matt with oxygen

Mum with oxygen

Me during Jo's speech, in which I was mentioned :)

Danceeee

Our "V" poses

More dancing, lol

So there you are :) Into Papworth tomorrow if there is a bed. Wish me luck :(
xxx

Kerry, Do You Want To Give Up?

I had clinic yesterday and to be fair, there wasn't much good news.

My lung function was down and my weight was the same!

So, we've agreed the feeds aren't working for me, I have some form of allergy to milk or something in milk and it's not something that can be easily tested for, we've now ruled out lactose intolerance, so it could be milk protein. Anyway, the feed I was having, despite being the highest calorie one, is not for me :(

I've agreed to go back into Papworth on Monday for 3 days, to test a new feed, probably a soya based feed rather than milk based, which should help, if not we'll try another until we get it right. They wanted me to go in hospital for a couple of weeks and I said no, I hate being in anyway I don't see the need because I'm not having IV's, I don't eat hospital food so the 'feed regime' wouldn't be a true reflection of my life, so they've decided I'll go in for 3 days, then go home with the feed and test it out in my normal daily life, with normal eating habits and sleeping patterns and see how it goes. Then have a week or so out, then back for 3 days etc.

I'm really glad we've come to this arrangement, 3 days will be fine for me if I can see an end to the stay, 2 weeks is a long time and when you are trying to focus on going home, it can seem a lifetime away. 3 days will suit me much better.

I'll also be having a 3-day glucose monitor, which is a small needle inserted under the skin around the stomach area, attached to a monitor which checks your blood sugar levels every 3 minutes. This is so they can keep an eye on my sugars and get an idea of what happens throughout the day/night, without me having to prick my finger 100 times a day lol!


It wasn't all rainbows and butterflies, it was pretty frustrating. The weight thing annoyed me. The fact my lung function is down after IV's again annoyed me. The fact I've got to go back in hospital, annoyed me.

But the worst bit, perhaps the most reality-type-smack-in-the-fact bit, was that my consultant asked me if I was sure I wanted to go through with it all, because it's so much work and with how unwell I am, they aren't sure if it might all be too much for me - so was I sure, or did I want to 'give up now' and they will focus on just keeping me well and preparing me basically, for death..
No matter how annoying, frustrating and difficult this is, I will never give up. I am not a quitter and I don't want to die, simple as that!!

So I shall leave it there - I'm Still positive. Still focused. Still determined. Still very hopeful that all the hard work will, eventually, pay off.
&Then I don't even mind if I don't get a transplant, I'll just be so pleased and proud of myself that against all odds, I was on the list and I'd made the (in their words) 'not impossible but very unlikely' actually happen :)

If you are reading this and are faced with difficult things in your life, hard decisions, tough times, situations that seem like they will never sort themselves out. I have one message for you... :)

(Photo taken form weheartit.com)

Thank you.
xxx

The Press Ball, Generosity and Bloggers Block!

Sorry I haven't blogged for a while, I'd open up the page, think about writing and then my mind would go blank. I think I've had, what I can only describe as - 'bloggers block' :).
I suppose I could have bored you to death with the ins and outs of my, not so, exciting life, or I could just wait for something to happen that was worth writing about.
As you can see, I chose the latter option and here we are :)...


Friday night was the Evening Star press ball, which was a very glamourous, black-tie event. It was raising money for the CF Trust along with a few other small charities.
I was considered the 'special guest' or the 'guest of honour.' To begin with we went into a room with various people, including the mayor of Ipswich, who we met straight away and had a photograph with, we were greeted with champagne and it was very odd because people were saying they were honoured to be meeting me, it was all very surreal!!!

The event itself took place in a hall which had been very elegantly decorated to the theme of 'Atlantis,' think lots of greens/blues, colourful drapes and fish haha! I guess it actually sounds pretty weird, but I can assure you it looked amazing, almost fantasy-like!!

We were seated on a table with the girl who did my Evening Star article, a few of her collegues and a couple of business men. It was a 4-course meal, for starters was salmon (which I don't eat, lol - very fussy I am!) So Josh had 2 helping of starters. Main course was guinea fowl, which at first I genuinely believed was guinea pig, I'm also gullable lol, which was very tasty and I really enjoyed it, I was glad I braved eating it! Dessert was a trio of desserts, lemon syllabub, chocolate mousse and banoffee pie, I only like the lemon so did a few swaps and had a trio of lemon syllabubs, lol! Then followed my a nice cup of tea :)

There was plenty of wine and champagne flowing all evening, when I got home I realised I was actually quite drunk because I fell over a bin. Twice...

There was an auction, a raffle and then a Queen tribute act, who appeared on The One Show about a week ago.

Firstly there was a game of heads or tails - where you had to stand up and put your hands on your head, or your bum and if you won you stayed standing with a chance of winning a brand new TV. Anyway, I was rubbish, Josh, however, did well and got into the top 8 or so and was called up onto stage, unfortunately he didn't win, but a lady who was my 'hospital teacher' when I was at Ipswich won it and she immedietly said on the microphone she wanted to give the TV to me... I started crying because I thought it was a lovely thing to do and a very very kind gesture :):):) She is a wonderful woman!

If I thought it was going to end there, I was very wrong! Firstly, during the raffle I was given a prize of a weekend break in a cottage/barn type thing!

Then, during the auction, an anonymous person, bid £3000 on a diamond bracelet and gave it to me, also he bid on a box at show - gave it to me and a family photo shoot, which he also gave it to me.
I was in floods of tears, I was so humbled and it showed me that there are people in this world who are so kind, so thoughtful and amazingly generous enough to do something like that to help bring a smile to my face and some enjoyment during these difficult times. I obviously know who the person was, but they wanted to remain anonymous, I cannot thank this person enough and I am a very lucky (and happy) girl at the moment! :)

I was congratulated many times on my work recently raising awareness by various people, including our MP, a guy from the TV, the Mayor and many other wonderful people. I met some people from the CF Trust which was cool and I felt the evening really was the cherry on the top of the hard work I've been putting in just lately, in my campaigning.

The ball has currently estimated that on the night, we raised £16,000 but the total amount will be announced tomorrow!

So the night was fantastic even though I had to use my oxygen in public, even though I couldn't dance all night like I usually would, even though the reason I was there is because of how unwell I am and even though I do still have CF and still need a transplant - I was there, I danced (a bit) I cried, I laughed, I ate, I drunk, I smiled and I really enjoyed myself.. Despite all the rubbish that is going on inside my body, with all the difficulties and tough times I have ahead, an evening like that really made me feel brilliant and allowed me to (almost) forget what stage I'm at in my life right now.

Here is a picture of Josh and I, just as we walked in :)..

Thank you for reading.

If you wish to read the article write-up on the evening star website, regarding the press ball, here is the link.

Press Ball Article

xx

Home and Reunited with Foxxy :)

I've actually been home since Tuesday but I didn't have much to say. I was quite content in hospital this time, which was shocking for me (and everyone else lol) normally by the week stage, I am ready for a fight with anyone, tearing my hair out with boredom and feeling so fed up I want to hit self-destruct. I'd be ringing family/Josh crying saying I was fed up, I'd be horrible to talk to on chat because I would just be constantly moaning..
This time, was really different and I don't think I moaned much at all, except for the pain perhaps!

I was actually fine, I listened to loads of music which kept me occupied, had lots of chats on facebook/msn, kept seeing Josh and Foxxy on webcam, I had great phone signal for the first time ever, so spent lots of time on my phone, facebooking and general other amusing things.
I think the pain from the PEG took over from boredom a little, I could still walk around, make cups of teas etc. But I think it definitely took my mind off other things.
However by the weekend I was ready to go, I'd been put on 3 IV antibiotics, for the first time, which seemed to do me good, I felt less breathless, coughed a lot less (which with the pain in my stomach, was a blessing in disguise!) and just had a lot of energy, too much energy to be cooped up in hospital for 2 weeks. Annoyingly, it was bank holiday Monday so I had to wait until Tuesday to drop the 'can I go home' bomb.

It was funny, I told anyone who would listen, physio/dietician/nurses that I was going home Tuesday. No matter what. I said I had planned all the reasons why I would be going home and how it would be more beneficial for me to be at home -
Firstly, eating, I don't enjoy hospital food and during a period in my life where gaining weight is vital, spending a few weeks without food I'd eat is pointless.
Secondly, I felt really well, too well in fact, I thought somebody would make better use of my bed, I know how annoying it is when you are waiting for a bed, especially feeling so well, so I'd have felt guilty staying when somebody could have been sat at home, begging, like I usually am, for a bed to become available.
& Finally. The stay had gone okay, normally when I get to the two week mark, I'm so fed up, I swear to myself I will avoid it like the plague, which includes playing down how unwell I am to avoid being admitted - Never a good thing. Whereas, I have left relatively happy, so when it comes to the next 'we think you should come into hospital,' I will think, look back to the last stay, decide how it went, then make my decision. If I was told, I needed to come in, after the week I was content, so I wouldn't say no.
Simple.

Anyway, all the people I spoke to 'reported' to the doctor our conversations, what they thought was best for me - physio was very happy with my chest, dietician was happy with my weight gain (WHICH WAS 4 POUNDS BY THE WAY!!!!) and we arranged a home care plan until my feed delivery arrived. &The nurses totally understood my reasoning.
Basically, I was ready, all guns blazing, to fight my corner against the consultant. But I was shocked to find, a registrar doctor came into my room and said "Hello Kerry, I'm here on behalf of your Dr.. Would you be happy if I said you can go home today?" Biggest smile on my face ever gave away my answer :D YES! So hope I went.

&Here I am now, unfortunately IV's are similar to that Bullseye show in the sense of 'look what you could have won.'
It's basically like 2 weeks of false hope, you think to yourself WOW I feel great, the IV's are fantastic. Then as soon as you stop them, literally for me it's 2-3 days later, i.e now :( you realise that it's a temporary high, a lot of people who are at the same stage as me are on permanent IV's, however, at the moment this is not really an option for me, when I am on IV's despite feeling well, my lung function tends to drop, at the moment while I can still function off them, I don't want to have constant drops in lung function, when it is this low already, a small drop could become quite significant.

You know I always like positivity and happiness in my blog, there is one thing I am very glad of and that was being reunited with my little baby Fox.
Of course in hospital, I missed Josh, Mum and all the rest of my family (and poker grrr!) But they could come and visit me, they could speak to me on the phone, but I could only see Fox on webcam!
So the moment I came in the door she went absolutely insane, I've never seen her so excited to see somebody in her little life, she was squeaking, jumping up and down, running between my legs and this carried on for a good 10-15 minutes, I couldn't sit down because she kept jumping at me trying to lick my face and with my tube pain, I was nervous!
I missed my Princess so much!!

I'll leave you with some pics of Fox on webcam :).

xxx

A Bit Of An Update!

I have been in Papworth for 5 days today, I had my feeding tube fitted on Thursday.

At 9am Thursday I was collected and wheeled away on a bed into an ambulance. Then travelled 30 or so minutes to Addenbrookes hospital with one of the CF nurses. I went straight to endoscopy and waited for around an hour, I had been nil-by-mouth since midnight, so I was very hungry! The surgeon then came out and got me, I was very very nervous!

Firstly they had a look at my belly, I have had a feeding tube in before so had a small hole but unfortunately due to where it was positioned, they were unable to use it. So I have now got another hole about 4cm underneath the last one! They said after transplant, they would sort out plastic surgery to have a skin graft, meaning there would be no more holes :)! Anyway, because I already had a PICC line in, I did not have to have a cannula in my hand, which I was very glad about - so far so good!

They then gave me sedation and I remember thinking it wasn't working, until it hit me, everything went blurry and I couldn't see, it was awesome haha! They then put a camera down my throat, I remember feeling it and freaking out because I couldn't breathe, but once I had swallowed and calmed down I realised I was okay and that is the last thing I remember, until I awoke in recovery! The procedure actually only took 10 minutes, but I was asleep for around half an hour. Firstly they injected local anesthetic around the stomach area, they made a small insertion in my stomach, pushed the feeding tube in, then inflated a small ballon on the inside to hold it in place, they then put in a couple of stitches in which secured my stomach wall to my skin so there would be no complications afterwards - and it was done! Easy peasy and I don't remember any of it :)

I am in quite a bit of pain at the moment but it is better than it was. I'm on IV Paracetamol, Ibuprofen and Tramadol frequently, which is helping to control the pain. It is very sore when I cough and also when I move around, especially when I'm reaching for things. It also is quite sore to stand up straight, but I am told I have to stand up or it's no good, so despite the pain, I'm standing tall, haha!

I started my first feed on Thursday night, I had 250mls which is 500 calories, last night I had 375mls - 750 calories, tonight 500mls - 1000 calories. You get the picture! It's called Nutrison Concentrated, which is 2 calories for every ml, eventually I will be on 1000mls a night, giving me an extra 2000 calories! This will take the pressure of having to eat lots of food, when unwell, sometimes food is the last thing you want to think about. So everything else I eat will be a bonus. Luckily, I'm not feeling full from the feed so I'm still eating normally and still pigging out as always! :)

I will have the stitches in for a month, then they will change my tube from this...

To this...

:). So one month of having a long uncomfortable wormy tube, then I can have a nice neat little button tube! 

My weight gain starts now!!!

Now to finish, here are a few pictures of life in hospital, lol:

Feed

My Hospital Room

My Big TV! &Get Well Cards :)

Me After My Op!

Feed Set Up

The View Out My Window.

Meeee :)

Josh will be here soon, yay!

x

Operation Date, IV's and A Very Bad Reaction!

I started IV's yesterday afternoon, after two very busy days between hospitals.

The first started at Addenbrookes Tuesday afternoon, I had an appointment with the surgeon who would be fitting my feeding tube. I explained to him I had a few things on in June, so I'd want to either have it after, or before where I'd have enough time to recover. He then said he could do the 26th May, which is Thursday and also my Mum's birthday! But I had to take that date, so that means my poor Mummy has got to spend her birthday between Papworth and Addenbrookes, seeing her daughter have an operation! :(

So the feeding tube is something I was so reluctant to do, I am dreading it and I know I will hate it. But as I've said before, if I want to be alive and have a body to hate, I need to have the tube - otherwise, I will never get on the transplant list and I will die! So what choice do I have really?!

I then was back at Addenbrookes Wednesday morning to have my PICC line inserted, it went in first time with no problems :) apart from it being very sore and achey once the local anesthetic wore off. It is still hurting quite a bit now and is pretty bruised, but it will hopefully calm down a bit over the next few days.

Then after I had my first dose at Papworth I was sent home on IV's - Meropenem and Ciprofloxacin. A lot of drugs require blood levels checked every few days to make sure you are not getting too much/not enough of the drugs, the two drugs I've been prescribed don't need levels checked for around a week, meaning I don't have to go back to Papworth until day 7 and day 14 of IV's. However, as I'm having my feeding tube next week I will be going into Papworth to stay in on Tuesday, so the levels isn't too much of a problem.

I have had both of these drugs before but you can always become allergic to something. The last time I had Mereopenem was in January, this is a drug with a common side effect of sickness, so I was prescribed anti-sickness, however, last time this was not enough to cope with the amount of times I was sick, so it was stopped and replaced by another drug - Ceftazidime. I did mention to my consultant yesterday, when they told me I would be on Meropenem again and they gave me anti-sickness and told me to see how it goes.

Well, how it went was very very badly!...

Last night, about half an hour after the Meropenem second dose, I projectile vomited, I then went very dizzy, developed a high temperature, yet felt absolutely freezing, my whole body was shaking and eventually I collapsed on the floor. Afterwards, my body didn't feel like it was my own, I was shaking and had no control over my legs, I tried to walk but couldn't, I felt like jelly! I don't remember going to bed, but when I woke up today I felt the same, still feeling very sick and I couldn't walk, I tried to get out of bed to go to the toilet and fell on the floor :( 

I'm okay now as I haven't had any of that drug since last night, I still have a bit of a headache and haven't dared eat a proper meal yet, I've just been eating small and often, but I'm much better than I was last night/this morning. It's scary how something that is supposed to make you feel better, can make you feel so bad. I feel a little bit of an 'I told you so' but I understand why they gave me the drug in the first place and if it does work, it works well, so it is a shame I have developed this kind of reaction to it.

I have some pictures of me setting up the evil Meropenem! As you'll be able to see, home IV's are not an easy option at all, especially when you are so weak and exhuasted as I am (due to infection) when you have to do a lot of work to give yourself the drugs, it takes it out of you. The Meropenem was supposed to be 3 times a day, each dose 6 hours apart and the Cipro 2 times a day, 12 hours apart.

Good job I don't have a fear of needles, lol!

For those in the know, a PICC line is different to a port and doesn't require you to be completely sterile, all the syringes/needles etc. are sterile and I have to be careful, making sure everything is clean, however, there is no need for gloves etc.
Also, Papworth don't use the same pre-made IV's that some other hospitals do (including Ipswich Hospital!) so I have to draw them all up myself -

So as you can see, IV's are not a cure. They don't always do their job, but when they do work, they help to ease the struggle - I become a little less breathless, I won't cough so much and will have a bit more energy. 

The grass is always greener on the other side, unfortunately standing in the way is a huge mountain that you have to climb, but once you get over that, things will be a little easier - well, until next time anyway.

xxx

I'm Not Afraid Of Death.

Abseil.
Before I begin, I'd like to inform you all of a charity event we are organising!! :) On the 10th of July, some of my family and friends are taking part in an abseil down Ipswich Hospital for Cystic Fibrosis, the hospital is pretty high so for those with a fear of heights, it will be quite a challenge! I'm so disappointed I can't do it, but with my health as it is, I can't exactly abseil with my oxygen lol.. So I'm sorting out the organising and cheering everyone on from the safety of the floor!! 
I've added a 'justgiving' page on the left where you can donate online ->
If you could, please donate some money to CF, to sponser my wonderful family and friends who are doing this! It's quick, easy and could help towards changing the lives of people, like me, living with Cystic Fibrosis.
Thankyou.
x

Now, on to the blog..
Something I've been thinking about, which has kind of been relevant lately, is death. I know it's not a very happy subject and it's not something people want to think/talk about, but it is something I am faced with daily and I'd like to share my views on it.

The first thing I want to point out is that I'm not scared of dying!
What I am scared of, is what will happen afterwards - I don't want my family to be suffering, I'm frightened of how they will take it, I don't want Josh to move on quickly, marry someone else and completely forget about me, I don't want to be forgotten full stop.

When you go for a transplant assessment they usually talk about writing a will and perhaps thinking about your funeral - I know I would want my funeral to be a celebration of my life, as opposed to mourning my death. I'd want it to be a happy occasion where people can have closure on the fact I am no longer suffering. I know I definitely want to be cremated because the thought of being freezing cold underground certainly doesn't appeal to me ;) I always prefer being nice and warm!
I have also been thinking about where I'd like my ashes scattered and something that has always been an idea to me, is to have half of them in England and the other half in America - because if I don't get my transplant and don't get the opportunity to go, at least I would have visited America somehow!! I know my Mum wouldn't travel to America but Josh could and it would mean he is be able to go to Vegas like we had always planned, I'd just be with him in spirit instead!

What you need to understand, from my point of view, is that for 20 years I have faced the prospect of not living a long life, I always knew the life expectancy was in the 30's and I knew transplant is usually only a last resort option.
I think that is why it doesn't frighten me, perhaps if I had never known how CF worked, I would be a lot more scared, but as it's nothing new to me, I can look at death in a completely different light. Of course it is something I have never experienced before, so the 'unknown' is always a scary thought! But I'm not going to spend however long I have left worrying about what it will be like, as they always say life is all about living in the moment and to be fair, with having CF, sometimes living in the moment isn't easy but I try my damn best and I can honestly say I don't regret anything, the people I've met, the places I've been, the things I've done, it has all made me who I am.
Every breath to me, however hard it may be, is precious and is something I will never take for granted.

On a lighter note - I do have a bit of a dark sense of humour and often make jokes regarding life and death, for example, Mum has asked me before what would I do if my hair was grey (because I love my blonde hair) I then respond with, I don't know, not many people will see it in a box...!
People often wonder how I could joke about things like that, but it's just normal to me!! I honestly am so happy with what I have done in my life and I'm not going to lie, I do have so much more life left in me, I know it! I'm positive, but also very realistic, I know my chances of getting a transplant are only 50% and then surviving 1-2 years afterwards isn't a definite, then 5-10 years is even less of a chance etc but if I spent my life dwelling on the statistics and what might or might not happen, I would not be living at all!

CF takes a lot of things away from me, such as my independance, but it will never take away my determination and spirit! I can guarentee you that up until my final breath, I will be fighting with every single inch of my mind and body.
I will not go down without a fight and if I don't win the battle, well at least I won't have to worry about that grey hair will I ;)!

Thank you for reading and thank you for all your support! :)
&If you haven't already signed up to be a donor, please do it now. It's so easy and something amazing could come out of a really horrible situation, I know death isn't something anybody wants to think about but it's something that I can't help but face, unless I receive a transplant - Becoming a donor genuinely saves lives. Sign The Donor Register!!!!
xxx

Meet My Support System

All my blogs lately have been based on myself, in which I have explained briefly how certain people in my life help me to cope etc.
I thought I'd dedicate this blog post to them, with photos and a bit more detail.
So, I'd like you to meet 'my support system.'


First and foremost, my amazing Mum, Jacqui.

My Mum has been my rock thoughout my whole life, when I'm feeling down, she's there picking me up, when I'm on a high, she's right by my side smiling with me.
My Mum never lets me think negative, she is very head-strong and has passed this onto me. We have the odd silly petty argument, but within minutes it's over and we are back to normal, for a Mother and Daughter we have a fantastic relationship, I've always looked upto my Mum, I know having a child who is ill can't be an easy task!
I'm also glad that my Mum has allowed me to make my own mistakes, so I can learn from them and make my own decisions, knowing that she will be there behind me every step of the way, picking up the pieces when things go wrong.
I know I am 20 years old and I don't need my parents anymore, I have so much to learn on my own but I will always need their support and guidance and I know it will 100% always be there, however old I am.
I think my Mum is fantastic and I am so proud to be her daughter.
I love you Mum.
xxx

Secondly, we have my fiance, Josh.

Again, getting into a serious relationship with somebody who is ill isn't easy and I am so thankful everyday that Josh didn't run in the opposite direction when he found out I was ill, as many boys have done in the past. He only then went and made me his fiancee(!) his dedication to me is a breath of fresh air.
Josh is very similar to my Mum in the way they keep me positive, if I'm having a down day he will let me have a cry with a much needed cuddle, but he thens make sure I keep my eyes on my goals and remain strong. I don't know how he does it, he rarely shows weakness and it makes me feel better. I'd hate to be surrounded by negativity and people crying all the time because I'm ill.
We both know that our time together could be limited and we make the most of every second in each others company. I know that we ultimately want to get married and whether it happens before or after transplant, it is something we are working towards.
Josh is my soulmate, my best friend, my shoulder to cry on and the absolute love of my life.
I love you Josh.
xxx

Then we have my Dad, Gary.

My Dad is an inspiration. When he was 30 he suffered a stroke and I honestly thought I was going to lose him - I knew I needed my Dad around, he still had to buy me my first legal drink, walk me down the aisle, meet my boyfriends and continue to protect me. So the day he came home from hospital was one of the best moments because I knew I still had him in my life.
Now let me tell you a bit about my Dad - he thinks he is the funniest man on the planet(!) He is constantly cracking jokes, always coming up with silly little names for me like Perriwinkle, he is always out clubbing because he loves his drink and wants to be the centre of attention at parties, but would I have him any other way? Not a chance. I don't think he will ever grow up, but if he did, he wouldn't be the man I know and love :).
Dad makes me realise that life is so much fun, you can never take yourself too seriously and laughter is genuinely the best medicine.
I love you Daddy.
xxx

Not forgetting my Step-Dad, Matt.

When Matt first came into my life, I found it difficult to accept him, I'm not going to lie, we had some rough patches but I honestly think it's brought us closer today. The day I was a bridesmaid for Mum and Matts wedding was one of my proudest moments, it made me realise how far we had come from the early days!
If whoever is reading this know Matt, you will realise how hard I had to work to find a photo where his eyes were actually open, lol!!
Matt and I have a lot of silly banter between us, I always refer to him as 'younger' than me because he was young when he met my Mum. For example, if we were speaking about when I was a high school, I would say - oh Matt, you weren't even born!!
Matt is a really lovely, funny, caring Step-Dad. I am so pleased he has made my Mum so happy, we have all accepted Matt as one of our own and I'd be devestated now if he wasn't in my life.
I love you Matt.
xxx


My beautiful Sister, Kim.

Firstly I'm going to start by posting something Kim wrote on her facebook about me the other day.


"‎Kerry Alex Thorpe. My beautiful sister, sometimes i find it hard to know what to say to you after reading your blogs and things, i want to stay positive for you but the truth is i am really struggeling. I wish i was strong like you and positive! To be honest, you are my inspritation, when i wake up and feel like i dont want to get out of bed to go work i think of you and i want to slap myself as i know that working to you is like a dream. Im sitting here trying to think of what to say but i just cant get the words out. I hope you know that although i find it hard to speak about it to you, i think about you every minute of the day. Since your story was in the paper, at work i look at your story between every call as i keep it up in the backround and seeing your smily face makes everything worth while. I dont care if i never have any money or my own house or anything else... my only dream is that one day i can ring you and say "kerry lets go to town do some shopping then party tonight." and not having to worry about anything, just being able to say that and hearing your cheery voice say "ok see u tomorrow" will be worth so much more than anything else in the world. I wonder everyday why it had to be you that was ill, why not me or anyone else, your so pretty and caring you deserve the best health in the world. I was so proud when people saw you in the paper and said "she is such a fighter" because you really are and i know that you will never give up on anyone or anything. I just want you to know that if you did ever want to talk i am here for you and always will be. And that i love you more than anything in the world and admire everything you do. I know you will get what you're destined (new lungs) and the day you do will be without fail the happiest day of my life. I know i always say it but i love u so much, from you little sister xx"

I don't really have to say anything else - Kim is amazing, we have got so close over the last few years and I wouldn't change her for the world. I also can't wait until the day we can go out and party and enjoy ourselves like sisters should!
Kim has been doing loads for organ donation lately and has been encouraging people to become donors, she has made me so proud!
I love you Kim.
xxx

My Nanny and Grandad, Margaret and Len.

I absolutely love them to pieces. They are always there for a chat and constantly call/text me to make sure I am okay. They both come up to visit me loads when I'm in Papworth and we always go and have a 'nice' meal at the canteen!
I feel I am so close to my Nanny and Grandad and I wouldn't have it any other way! Grandad is hilarious, he calls me Keg-head-thing-init, he uses stupid words all the time and finds it hilarious! My Nanny is amazing, she has rheumatoid arthritis but doesn't let it get her down, she is always happy and smiling, trying to look after other people!
They make me such a proud Grandaughter!!
I love you Nanny and Grandad.
xxx

& My Auntie Hayley.

Hayley again, is fantastic! We always have such a laugh when we are together and she always makes sure I am okay. When I'm not well, she lets me know she is thinking about me. When I'm in Papworth, she comes to visit (even though I know it's only so she can steal my sweet stash!!! Hahaaa) Before our engagment party, Hayley wrote me and Josh a little poem each..

Kerry:

Petite, Blonde and beautiful
You’re always the perfect display
But fragile, weak and failing lungs
I think about you everyday

I know those lungs will soon be yours
So your life can start anew
Tonight I’ll be bursting through the doors

To celebrate with you.

Josh:

Isn’t love a funny thing,
And what it makes you do,
When you gave Kerry that ring
You made her dreams come true

I know you were put on the earth

To protect our special girl
You care for her like no one can
You’re an oyster with a pearl

We thought they were fantastic, thoughtful and they brought a smile (and a tear) to my face!
I love you Hayley!
xxx


So I hope you've enjoyed reading.
These are the people that have kept me going all this time, friends will come and go but family is forever.
I know I am so lucky to have such fantastic people in my life.

Huge love, fiances, family, and support!
:)xxx