Our Little Angel x

Our princess, Foxxy, has passed away.
This is the hardest blog I've ever had to write and to be honest, it's a blog I never expected to have to write because I always thought she would out live me.

On the day of my transplant assessment, she was hit by a car and immediately went to heaven.
It was a tragic accident and I'll try to explain exactly what happened.

Foxxy had outgrown her collar, so we intended to get her a new one for her 1st birthday which would have been the 7th December. So because we didn't want her to be on her own while we were at Harefield my Stepdad was going to pick her up and bring her back with him to their house. Obviously, as she didn't have a collar we decided he would use Fifi's which is their dog, she is only a westie/bichon frise, so she is small but the harness turned out to be too big for Foxxy. To start with he said it fit fine, then as she got to the car she stood up on her back legs and managed to wriggle out of the harness, she then ran out into the road and a car was coming, normally we live on a very quiet road where there is barely any traffic, so for a car to have been coming at that exact minute is what makes it so devestating. She was hit by the front of the car and it was obviously an instant death, she was only very tiny so any impact would have killed her, she was not crushed by the wheel or anything and we know she did not suffer any pain so I'm glad about that. Her last memories will be running, which she absolutely loved to do, she'd just run around the garden and run madly around the house, so she was free and running happily.

Foxxy was 11 months old, so she barely had time to live before she was taken. But we know she had the best life, even if it was short. We couldn't have possibly loved her anymore and she was spoiled rotten! She was cuddled daily, fed lots of food and special extras, she had tons of toys and she even got to sleep on our bed for the last few nights. She brought us so much joy and happiness, she gave us strength when times were tough or when I wasn't feeling great, a big cuddle with her and seeing her beautiful face made me feel I could get through anything. If me and Josh ever had an argument, she brought us back together and kept us strong.

I can't imagine life without her, it's so difficult I've never experienced hurt like this in my life and I am trying to stay strong because I know she would've wanted us to think of the good times we were so lucky to have with her. My baby girl will never be replaced and it will take time for this pain to heal, it will be particularly hard because we had such big plans for her birthday and Christmas.

At the moment, she is safe at the vets and she will be cremated on Saturday, we are going to put her ashes in the garden (her favourite place) and plant a rose bush where the ashes will be buried.
This way, she will still be a part of our house and if we ever feel she is not with us, she will be happy in the garden. Josh and I are also going to get memorial tattoos, I'm going to get a butterfly with an angel wing and Josh is getting a phrase.

I know she will be our little guardian angel and will be protecting us for the rest of our lives.
R.I.P my sweetheart, we miss you more than anyone can ever imagine and will love you forever, you were our baby and will never ever be forgotten.
xxx

Not in a Very Good State! :(

I'm having some serious problems with my head, I've had a severe headache for about 3 weeks with this headache comes quite bad dizziness I feel like I am spinning, it's particularly worse when I close my eyes to try and sleep, also when I move my eyes from one thing to another it take a couple of seconds before my focus adjusts. I'm also feeling very faint, light headed, extremely tired, weak and sick. I also keep getting confused, I repeat things I've already said and the other day I completely forget what I'd done during that day which was quite scary.
People had suggested I got my carbon dioxide levels checked as when CF gets worse you can retain co2 and therefore your body does not get rid of it properly, which gives similar symptoms to what I'm having, but I had the levels checked yesterday and they were completely normal.
I also have developed a cold over the last few days, I'm coughing a lot which doesn't help my headache! I have a sore throat and runny nose, my temperature feels like it is all over the place because one minute I'm freezing, shivering even when in a hoodie, slippers, heating on - then the next I'm sweating.
&Now last night I started to get pains around my heart area, which feel like short stabbing pains which happen about every 3-5 minutes, it's not fun and it's very uncomfortable.

So basically, I'm a walking disaster at the moment! &There is no current solution or an answer as to what is causing these problems.

There is one bit of good news and that is that yesterday I reached my highest weight in 2.5 - 3 years 41.5kgs, I'm the highest weight I've ever been with Josh so he probably doesn't fancy me anymore because I've become a fatty lol!! :P

Thanks for reading, hopefully my next blog will include all the good news that I am fixed!
xxx

PS. Thank God for spell-checker because my brain is not working at the moment lol!!

What do you want for Christmas?

Now Halloween and Bonfire Night are out the way, it's time to start looking forward to the best holiday of the year - Christmas!!
Everything gets all festive, houses are decorated, you eat more than you do all year, you spend time with loved ones, you get to bring out the old christmas tunes and of course you get presents.
So, what do you want for Christmas this year? An iPad 2? A new mobile phone? Money?...
I know exactly what I want.

I want new lungs!! I want to be able to breathe without struggle or fear. I want to be free from oxygen. I want to be able to go on long walks. I want to look forward to things without the worry that I may not be here to enjoy them. I want to be able to walk up the stairs without difficulty. I want to be able to go somewhere and not have the car loaded up with a wheelchair and oxygen. I want to be able to chase my mental puppy around the house.
I just want to be able to have the most fantastic christmas!

But unfortunately, that sort of thing doesn't come wrapped up in a gift box with a pretty little bow on it (and I do need to be on the transplant list first, lol.)
So I guess for now, I'll go back to wishing for an iPad!

Obviously, I don't know how many Christmas' I could have left, I'm hoping I will have many many more years to enjoy it but I'm going to make sure this one is special just in case - I want to be surrounded by the people I love and care about, I want to make sure everyone is happy and we all have the best time, because after all it is 'the best time of the year!' :)

I hope all my lovely blog readers have a perfect christmas, full of happiness and laughter.
I also hope that everyone who is currently waiting for a transplant gets the greatest gift of all this Christmas (well, hopefully before xmas!)
:)
xxx

Lots of Good News!!! :D

Once again this blog is going to be full of all good news, things have been going well lately!

Firstly, I got my highest lung function in ages yesterday which was 26%. A rise in lung function is rare when you are this ill, but I'm on an IV antibiotic that I've never had before and that seems to be making the difference, also the fact I've essentially had 4 weeks of IV's with a small break in the middle, have all contributed to my increase :) I'm not going to say I feel better, I haven't really noticed a difference, I'm still quite breathless and coughing but I feel I have more energy (which is not always a good thing when you are a hyperactive mad thing anyway!)

My appetite has gone through the roof lately, I'm eating pizza like it's going out of fashion, I'm snacking constantly and there is hardly ever a time when I'm not thinking about food, lol! Which is a very good thing. Also I'm starting steroids on Friday (ready for my bone strengthening infusion) and when I'm on steroids I get the munchies, also I'm going on quite a high dose so I will be eating like there is no tomorrow with the steroids + Megace lol!!

Last night a few of us from poker decided to go in fancy dress seeing as it was Halloween. I decided to be a very scary cat, I just don't do horror, I've been a bunny and a french maid at Halloween parties, so I kept up the tradition of not being scary, lol! Here are a few pictures:

Stepdad Matt, Mum, Auntie Hayley and me

Matt, Josh and Uncle Justin

Me and Hayley

Me and my wonderful Mum :)

Josh and I

The final piece of good news is that I'm being made an ambassador for the organ donation charity Live Life Then Give Life I will essentially be doing what I am now, which is raising awareness for organ donation, LLTGL and promoting the charity! I'm honoured to be part of the team and hope I do a good job in encouraging people to sign the donor register and do them all proud :)

Thanks for reading!
xxx